Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I'm a Headless Chicken

This is no theological rant, this is no general revelation, this is a personal moment that I’d like to share with anyone that knows me and this page.

I do not like snakes…I think they are gross and I am very scared of them. I don’t even like to look at books with pictures of them. I especially hate watching videos of them because it always seems that the money shot is of the snake attacking the camera. Ewww, I hate snakes. When I was a kid, growing up in Florida, I used to patrol the yard before I would mow the grass with a couple shovels looking for them because I wanted to kill them. If you are an animal lover and are already offended just keep reading and get over it, I was a kid. I still have a very vivid image of a particular day in my mind. Even as I write this I can feel myself wanting to leap from my chair, my toes are curled up, and my shoulders are tense. I finished my perusing of the yard and found no foe to slay so I continue to bring out the lawnmower. To my surprise a large snake burst from underneath the mower. My first reaction was to give him the good ol’ kibosh, down with the shovel. Now I hold the head of a snake in my shovel that should be dead. It is still opening its mouth and doing its tongue thing though. We’ve all heard the phrase of running around like a chicken with its head cut off too. I’ve seen it, it’s real. No, I am not in a morbid mood, something just hit me the other day while thinking about my life and where I find myself.

Where am I? Well, I am in a big transition place right now. In January of this year I left the church that I moved up here to help start, Indy Metro, to help another person with another church plant, Response. At Metro I had structured learning, accountability, and plenty of challenges from older men to grow. At Response I had a vibrant community of fellow believers I had relationships with. Now I am trying to find a place where Julia (my girlfriend) and I can grow together at. We are going to journey though the rest of this life together so we need to be growing together as well. Because of recent circumstances and such I have not been able to attend a Sunday gathering regularly or the Wed night house church we began to attend together. So I am in a totally new community and don’t know anyone and cannot be consistent in the times when they do gather. Paul makes this beautiful parallel between the body and the church. He lays it out that every part of the body is dependant upon the rest of the body. The heart needs the hand, the foot needs the eye, the mouth needs the stomach, etc. What happens to the body as a whole is clear when a piece is missing, it does not operate at full capacity. But what about the part that is missing or sick, how is it affected by not being whole and connected to the rest of the body?

Remember that chicken’s body just running around without a head? Well, it’s disconnection from vital organs and things that make it live causes it to still have nerve endings that are being stimulated that send signals that recreated actions that are stored in muscle memory. This disconnected part is actually dead, but still running around due to the last memories of nerve impulses and muscle memory. If there was some way to miraculously reconnect the head, nerves, blood vessels, and other necessary things that would make a clean and efficient reconnection, then everything would level out again and the chicken would begin to act and operate as it was made to, things would make sense. I’m watching myself run around like it’s crazy because I am disconnected from the body, the church. Getting reconnected is miraculous and in Christ it is possible, just going through the process to find the community and friends is taking its toll on me and I’m running around like crazy. I don’t have any older men speaking wisdom into my life, I don’t have a bunch of people that I consistently hang out with that are encouraging in my faith, I do not have any connections that I need. This transition is necessary because what is most important is being a good husband in the future and us growing together, but it is just hard.

So please pray that I can be calm during this transition and not give up, not be down, and not run around like I’m missing my head.

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