Thursday, January 15, 2009

A -22 Walk to Work Makes a Beautiful Day

Isn’t this one of the coolest pictures you have ever seen? This is actually a picture of Indianapolis!

The air temperature this morning was -5, with the wind it feels like -22. I honestly can’t believe I actually woke up in time to enjoy this morning cold. Last night was a long night for me. I’ve come to be comfortable with certain aspects of my character. Intense is one word I used to shun and be ashamed of, but is actually a very good description of who I am. There is always a danger in every characteristic one may have. Forgiving people may get taken advantage of, laid back people may come off as apathetic, quiet people may come off as arrogant, etc. I’m intense. The downside of this intensity is that it must be managed properly. I operate kind of like a dumb college kid’s stomach in a gallon milk chugging contest. I mean, I take in so much and analyze so much that I need a place to puke it up. I have to get all of this stuff out of me. My intensity mixed with me being analytical makes for a dramatic show of fireworks if I do not have an outlet to express the things I am going through. So I journal and I blog. That is still not enough because it doesn’t give me the feeling that I am heard, so things build up and I become a little more intense, very subtly, but progressively more concentrated. There are 4 big things I am going through right now and basically I hit a brick wall last night and fell apart. I needed to remove myself from my world so I called a friend and asked if I could come over.

Spitting, cursing, yelling, pacing…this is about the repetition of about an hour. I was able to finally be 100% honest and express what I felt or had questions about. No great answers were given, no crazy break through, no deep enlightenment, just simplicity and reality. After I was finished I just sat on a chair and felt free, I felt like all that stuff that was building was let out. We sat down and wrote down the things that were frustrating me and came up with some simple steps to help me not snap again. Ok, so maybe the statement about no break through made above was false, so maybe I had one break through, my prayer life is horrible. I should be venting to God, letting him know how I feel about all this stuff first. At one point last night I was pretty convinced I was going to do something that would land me in Marion Co. Hotel (get locked up), I was very upset and hadn’t felt this anger I had for years. As bad of a night that that was I learned that God brought good out of it. I went home and slept like a baby and woke up early this morning.

This morning could have started or continued with my drama from last night too. The air temperature this morning was -5, with the wind it feels like -22. I walked out to my truck and it wouldn’t start. I tried a couple more times and was praying hard core God would make it start. I tried for 15 minutes and it wouldn’t start. I knew what I’d have to do and of all days to do it had to be today didn’t it… I walked back into my apartment, put on double gloves, my biggest coat (even though it doesn’t match), my old Kevlar firefighting hood, ear warmers, a hat, and through my hood up. I walked to work and just told God how I felt until about half way there. I was struck with a sudden thought, almost like a brick was thrown at the back of my head. God didn’t not answer my prayer to start my truck; he didn’t ignore my request to start my truck at all. God knew I needed to cry out to Him and just have time to not be distracted by driving to call out to Him. Once that hit me my attitude totally changed and I found joy in my walk in sub-zero temperatures. I was probably the only person with a foolish smile on my face underneath all my coverings walking to work in the city this morning, but I’ll take that any day. I found beauty in that bitter cold, through my truck not starting, and my outburst of anger last night. God does truly does work together all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

1 comment:

  1. great way to "reframe" what happened.....and that picture is awesome.


    p.s. are you walking in -40 tomorrow? stay warm