Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Bombs

Close your eyes, put your hand over the left side of your chest, and listen….

Beat, beat, beat, beat, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick…

Do you feel it?

It’s your heart beat, it generally moves in a smooth, rhythmic, almost melodic pattern that I think would be an amazing beat to a song. Our souls have this natural rhythm, but something messes it all up. Some of you may have felt something that is better described as chaos, hardcore rock or metal, than smooth and melodic. The reason behind the irregularity you feel in your chest may be due to stress or anxiety. I believe that beautifully complex organ in our chest is created to have a smooth melodic, almost jazz like vibe to it, but something messes that up, something makes those euphoric beats more like terrifying ticks to a bomb. What is this you ask? Well, I believe it is as simple as a lack of communication and expressing oneself.

Is this argument even plausible? Yes. Thoughts that are not expressed can become like poison. I have a friend at work who actually went to my manager and complained about me, he said he doesn’t like the way I talk to him and is really frustrated with me, he felt like I treated him differently than everyone else. My boss said when he told her this he was shaking and turning red and she could tell he was really upset about it. Obviously I was shocked because I treat everyone the same and just float around the office and make everyone laugh and smile, that’s just my personality. Naturally, I call him and my boss into a room to have a meeting because this shocked me and I wanted to know what I have done so I can stop doing it and help that professional relationship be whole and not cause any negative feelings. When we all talked it was revealed that I am not doing anything particular that I can change or do better, basically, a couple things happened that he perceived wrong and never said anything to me, then I am on this new project at work and so he is dealing with a lot of my work and feels a little overwhelmed, plus he says that he doesn’t like how I speak in philosophical and poetic terms (if you know me, you know how I speak and what that means) because sometimes he doesn’t understand me. The straw that broke the camels back was I didn’t say anything to him when I came down to my office last week. There was nothing particular that happened that was anything significant, but because he didn’t speak about these as they happened they began to build ontop of one another and before you know it, he is about to snap. A wife cleans up after her husband for years and never says anything because she doesn’t want to seem like she is nit picking him, but something one day makes her snap and she goes off, leaving the man standing in the bathroom wondering why leaving the seat up has made her feel like their marriage is failing. It’s not one instance, it is this monster building up inside of her that feeds off of unexpressed thoughts or emotions and grows with more rage daily. When I was a little bit younger and living on my own I let a friend live with me for three weeks. He was a slob and never did anything and I was letting him stay in my place for free, never got a thank you, can I help, or can I give you some money for the groceries I am going through like a crazy man. I never said anything, I held it all inside and one day I walked in my apartment and saw him eating my cheetos. That was it, we were face to face about to crush each others faces with fist of fury all over a bag of cheetos?! No, it was the pinned up thoughts that I did not let out before. The reason dating is weird is because we always try to figure out the other side, we make it a big game, we can’t say this or that, they won’t say this or that, so we presume and make up these stories in our head and then find out in the end that much pain could have been avoided by just communicating.

Do you see now? The lack of communication has huge implications. It tears apart relationships. Does that mean we should run around saying whatever we want when we want? Absolutely not! The Bible is clear that when we speak we should consider others as well as be sensitive to the need of the person we want to communicate with (read Ephesians 4-5) . Wives, if your husband works 10 hour days at a construction site, when he gets home from work, beaten up from the day, exhausted mentally and physically, that is NOT the best time to tell him. Roomates, the same is applicable, and I am speaking from experience and need to work on this myself. When you get home at 1130pm and your roommate is into doing something (playing video games, cooking, talking on the phone, doing homework) don’t make the first thing you say to them a complaint or a you need to do this or that.” If you’re not married and have the pleasure of being a part of the crazy world of dating, don’t hold back what you feel, don’t be crazy and tell the person you love them after the first date, but don’t hold back because you don’t know what the reaction will be. Also before you speak, look into yourself. Don’t be so arrogant to think you are always right or what you have to say is even worth saying, often times we fill the room with a lot of hot air thinking our voice is important.
Can you imagine a world where there are no walls that hold people back, no emotional explosions caused by a lack of communication. Open communication allows two completely different people to comprehend what each other are thinking or feeling. Isn’t that the point of all this relationship stuff? Understand each other so we can have authentic relationships based on love? Without open communications we run around like bombs waiting to explode, Jesus doesn’t want that for you my friend! Jesus said that His yolk is easy (Matthew 11), all that pressure caused by poor communication seems heavy right, well then it’s not from Jesus. Again, open communication is not a past port to be a jerk who says whatever you feel, reflect upon yourself, consider others, consider the circumstances, the needs, before you speak, but please do communicate once all that backend stuff is done.

Close your eyes, put your hand over the left side of your chest, and listen….

Beat, beat, beat, beat, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick…

Do you feel it?

May you feel melodic beats rather than a bomb ticking, may you openly communicate and may you know that freedom there is in Christ and how it affects everything, especially the way we communicate.

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