Thursday, June 26, 2008

Relationship Theories: The Getting Over You Stage

I’ve rationalized and come up with theories about dating relationships. I have future aspirations to write several books and one will be one on dating, not a irrelevant, unrealistic, God opens the sky and shows you your soul mate-type dating book, but a rational dating book that is completely backed by Biblical truths, not emotions. So in all these thoughts and great theories I have I am still perplexed by the enigma of the “getting over it” stage. How does one attain this great glory of being over something, heartbreak, or a lost friend? I’m in an interesting position right now with this because I’m the source and victim at the same time. Let me explain. There is one person who is having a really hard time getting over me, but at the same time I’m having a rough time getting over another person. So as I counseled this girl on how and why she should get over me, I drew a blank, I had to say, “I don’t know how you will, but you will, and you will be able to look back and say that was a good time of my life, but not miss it or desire it again.” When will this advice become a reality for me? At what point will my hands stop going numb when I think of her, when will I not compare every other woman to her, when will I just wash my hands of it all and get over it? I can’t quite figure that stage out yet.

So rather than focus on the small world of dating relationships, I will take a larger view of relationships in general, starting with that between God and man. The results of this relationship affect every relationship in life. The brokenness of man is a direct affect of his broken relationship with God. Murder, drugs, loneliness, depression, disease, war, famine, rape, stealing, divorce, these are all effects caused by that broken relationship. So how does man get over this brokenness? Does man even know it is there? Intellectually the thought may not, for the majority of populations I’d argue, be in the back of their mind, but I think that same feeling I get every time I think of her, my hands going numb, we feel as we continue to experience the effects of the broken relationship and wonder why. The reality of it is man must go and reconcile this relationship with God, the problem is that we cannot. God, in all His power and love, provided the sacrificial system He had created out of love for Israel a solution and a way the entire world could have a reconciled relationship with Him. He gave us a chance to get it right, to fix the broken relationship. He will accept all who come, so man is always sure he will be offered a reconciled relationship.

I think I may have just had an epiphany about all of this though. This has been a really hard thing to write about because it’s something that is current and I am going through. It’s always easier to write about the past and how God delivered you, it gets hard when you have to admit the struggle in the moment. I was just emailing back and forth with my sister and just stopping to think about all this and I just had a little moment of liberation from this, my hands don’t feel numb (for now)! The reality is that man is sinful. There is really only one absolute in life, God. Because of this absolute another absolute is true, man is sinful by nature. So the other person will not always accept you. I think that is the part that hurts most when people break up, when the relationship is broken, rejection is hard to deal with. So once you get an honest answer from the other person that they are not willing to accept you then you have to work on your emotions. That sounds really harsh, “they are not willing to accept you,” but it is not meant to be. In the case where a girl is having a rough time getting over me, I am not willing to accept her and work on a intimate relationship with her, because of that it is easy for me to not think about it because I made that decision. I told her this and hopefully it will help her. So once it is clarified, with no emotions or sin, when someone says they are not willing to work on a relationship with you or accept you into one it cannot be motivated by anything but truth, so no I’m mad right now so no, this is hard so no, I am worried about me only so no responses are allowed. Once one gets a true, non emotional, pure answer of are you willing to accept me into a relationship, then they can deal with the emotions. In my case I am not sure if I got a clear answer so I am playing games with my head by relying on my emotions.

May you get over it, in a mature, loving, way, not relying on emotions, but truth. The reality is not everyone is willing and we cannot change people, we just have to get clear answers and in that we are able to move on. God is love, man is broken, and acceptance of this helps you understand why broken relationships hurt so much. We get to feel what He felt, rejection and pain. Glorify in that suffering because we are able to empathize a little with the Almighty. This is the final chapter of my thoughts on relationships, I’ve spent countless hours trying to figure them out and I think I have good principles, but must realize that they will always be principles and I will go through pain even though I have an explanation of why. So for those of you out there heart broken, may you run to Him for acceptance and know He is love, He is pure, He is accepting, and you can rely on Him to allow you to reconcile the relationship of the great break up (the fall).

2 comments:

  1. Hey!! I'm going to enter back into the blogging world! You know how I about doing writing stuff before we are settled...but i like what you said about writing about what is happening in your life right now - what you are dealing with in the moment! I think I'm going to have Carl start writing some too...he has had some pretty profound things to say lately :) Love you and miss you TONS!!!!

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  2. Hey!! I'm going to enter back into the blogging world! You know how I about doing writing stuff before we are settled...but i like what you said about writing about what is happening in your life right now - what you are dealing with in the moment! I think I'm going to have Carl start writing some too...he has had some pretty profound things to say lately :) Love you and miss you TONS!!!!

    ReplyDelete