Sunday, April 27, 2008

Plans

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.

I’ve been in this really ugly stage of my walk with the Lord lately. I’ve been frustrated with the balance between being a child of God and an employee of a religious affiliation, the church. This is not to knock the establishment of our churches around America, it is just being honest and saying it is hard to separate the work from personal time. So many times we think it is circumstances that ruin our mood or people that come into our lives. I’ve actually had the thought that this whole church planting, bible college thing was a mistake. It’s like the more I learn the more and more disinterested I become with it all. I have all these dreams of what I want to do for the kingdom of God. I want to start a church myself, but more like a small community that infest the people around it with love and really start to see Jesus’ Words come to life in the context of an urban setting of broken people. I want to go over seas, specifically Africa, and serve orphans and HIV/AIDS victims. I want to teach and preach. I know this is my gift. I want to use it to help others understand who God is and why it is something beautiful and liberating rather than cantankerous and boring. I want to see revolution, Spirit led worship, and people walking in the Spirit that will change this world and that way see many lives changed by this living God, Jesus Christ.

Yeah for me right? That seems really cool right? There’s nothing wrong with a man being passionate about doing things for God is there? We’ll I invite you to go back and read the highlighted words again. There is one consistent problem in the words… Do you see the word “I” a lot or is it just me? It’s amazing how simply truths are that we over look or at least I do (over look simply truths). I meet with a friend every Saturday (or at least we try to be consistent) and this Saturday he was just talking about how encouraged he is to see a young man so passionate about the Lord like me and how he wishes he could be where I am at my age. I had to interrupt him in the middle of the flattery and confess who I was and break down his unrealistic views of me. I told him I was in a weird stage where I felt like walking away from it all, not the faith, but all this church mess, ministry and such you know? I had to be honest and tell him that I get overwhelmed with all this doing and feel like all this ministry and bible college is ruining my relationship with God.

Nothing wrong with ministry or Bible college though, it is me. He simply responded to me with this, “Boy, you sound like you are so anxious right now and you need to know that God has you where He wants you to be, you just have to trust His plan.” What beautiful words those were for me to here. Ouch! I realized in that painful moment of self reflection that I trusted my plans. Even though my plans boast to be for Him they are still my plans. It is me trusting that He is completely in control right now and that although I may be frustrated with not doing all that I want to do for Him that He is in control and His plans are to prosper me. No circumstances have changed, I haven’t quit ministry or bible college, haven’t taken a 3 day isolated hike or anything, but everything has changed. Because I have realized where I was putting my trust I can now adjust and trust His. How refreshing not to be in control. I feel loads lighter.

May you trust in His promise to have plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. May you love in the moment of frustration and cry out to Him, but never loose faith in His control or His plan.

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