Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Coffee Shop Break Down

I felt the walls closing in, the music fading, the smell of coffee seemed to dissipate, things ion the room seemed to move in slow motion, and all of the sudden my head felt like it was on fire. This is what happened this morning as I was sitting at our staff meeting for church (I now that sounds fancy, but it really is just a group of guys getting together seeing how we can be more effective with the things God has given us as a local church). What was this feeling? I ate some White Castle at 1:00am earlier that morning or later Mon night, whichever way you look at it, but I felt okay, like not sick. It was in the 20’s outside so I know I’m not hot. What in the world?!

It is 7 am so I am very tired, I didn’t go to sleep until 2 anyways, and I’m just in one of those silent moods. We begin the meeting by talking about different prayers request we have and praying over the prayer request people filled out on Sunday. So everyone prays and finally it comes to me and I don’t know what to say, it’s like one of those moments where I honestly believed God was praying for me because I didn’t know what to say. This is when my world starts to spin and I feel weird, then I open my mouth, and just cry out to God. I say I don’t know what to say, but I know I’m broken hearted and I know I really wish to see Him use us, Indy Metro Church, to not just be another church, but an active force of Christ that changes the community of Indianapolis. I was really hurt over all the things I see and hear around me, within this community. I was really broken hearted about the state we find ourselves in.

Shame on me, but it has become so easy to be religious. I show up early to help set up, I give ideas for what should be preached about, I lead this small group, promote community service things, attend this meeting, tell so and so that I am praying for them and on and on… It has become easy to be a part of this church, Indy Metro, and just be a leader. I haven’t felt really broken hearted for the city and for what God can and will do through Indy Metro Church since the early months of us officially meeting on Sundays in a corporate setting. Where has that fire been, where has that passion been? It seems it was hidden behind the curtain of religion and organization that can come with the local church. I feel like I’m excited about he local church again. Thank God for the gut wrenching humility and brokenness He gave me this morning! Do you ever find yourself just going along with things? Do you just do what is asked of you within the local church or do you have a burning passion to see the bride become beautiful?

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