Friday, November 2, 2007

Twisted First Impressions

I used to really care what people thought about me, I mean like if I was cool, or attractive, or good at a certain sport, just surface things. I remember I would always ask my friends after knowing them for a while, “What was your first impression of me?” That’s an important answer to get. They say a person puts together what they think of you within the first 20 seconds of seeing you. The typical response was, “I thought you were a snob, like you thought you were something great.” Once they get to know me they think otherwise and get to know the real Adam. That has always bothered me.

Now fast forward several years after I have devoted my life to following Jesus Christ…

I still care about what people think, but it has nothing to do with the surface things, I don’t care if someone doesn’t like my style, or hair, or the occasional beard. However, I do care if people think I’m not easily approachable or encouraging or loving. I was talking on the phone with a friend last night and she said that when she was talking to another girl about me that she said, “I thought he was one of those guys that thought every girl liked him and was kind of a snob.” I’m not offended by what she thought; rather, I am deeply convicted that something might be wrong with me… Why is it that people think I am a snob, what is it that makes me put that vibe out there? I’m troubled by this. I need to pray God will take whatever it is out of me. Maybe I have joked myself into actually believing I am something great. My close friends will all tell you that I joke around about being awesome all the time, but truly I only do it because I am insecure. Before I came to Christ I was one of the most shy people you would ever meet, I wouldn’t talk to you if I didn’t know you, or even look at you. When I came to Christ, I got this outgoing personality and was finally comfortable with who I was. Maybe my mistake was to actually believe that I was, indeed, something great because of my freedom in Christ, because of the personality he gave me. I’m not sure about all this, but I hope that it’s not something I am doing to put off this vibe. It’s really messed me up in the head because now I don’t even want to look in the mirror due to fear of being vain.

Or maybe I’m just over thinking all of this, but it’s def something to think about because it has stirred me all up.

First impressions are important but cane sometimes be wrong. If the trend in people’s first impressions of me is that I’m smug, then it is very possible I am a little messed up in some area.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, I do that too - joke about being awesome I mean. I think I do it so people will think "Hmm, she says it like it's not true, but now I come to think of it she IS pretty awesome". No idea if it works. It's funny the defences we use, maybe I need to work on that too.

    I'm Jo from the Boundless line by the way. Nice blog. :)